HomeCalendarFAQSearchMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 There's a Place for Us

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Rachel-is-a-Jedi
Moderators
Moderators
avatar

Posts : 3834
Join date : 2010-12-29
Age : 21
Location : Narnia/Allyra

PostSubject: There's a Place for Us   Fri Jul 08, 2011 3:04 pm

Hi everyone! Thanks for coming to read my story! I started this last night so I'll probably still be making lots of changes. This will be very confusing if you don't know that my sister and I have gone to Narnia once before this story takes place. We went shortly after the Pevensies had been crowned kings and queens and helped them fight off some giants. Hannah and I haven't written that story out, it's a nightly series she tells before bed. Anyway, this is how we went to Narnia the second time. Smile (I replaced some specific names that would give away my location with ----'s) I actually typed more than half of this on my iPod. Cool I hope you like it, please tell me what you think, comments and criticism are equally appreciated! Smile


Dry leaves and twigs crackled beneath my feet as the group of boy scouts and their siblings hiked through a dense forest on a cool fall day. My sister, Hannah and I lagged behind the others, talking and laughing. I flicked a mosquito off my arm and, remembering a particular postcard that I had seen, turned to her and joked,
“The mosquito, Mississippi's state bird.”
She slapped one of the small pests that had landed on her leg.
“Grrr” She growled, then looked up.
I followed her gaze and realized we had fallen behind and couldn't even see any of the others.
“We'd better hurry.” I urged, picking up my pace.
“Hey, look at that!” Hannah said, pausing as we came to an enormous tree that arched over the path, separated so that it made a door of sorts.
“Wow!” I commented as we stepped through the natural door. The air immediately changed as we passed to the other side. It felt warm and moist, and smelled quite salty. I glanced at Hannah.
“What's going on?” She asked confusedly.
“Come on, let's just catch up with the boys.” I said. We ran off in the direction we had been going before. I heard laughing in the direction we were going and decided that the rest of the group must not be far off.
“Hannah, I think they're-” I was cut off as I slipped and fell down a ledge. I was expecting the worst, but I landed on soft white sand. A quick glance around revealed a perfect beach with bright blue water and huge rock formations all around it.
“Hannah, get down here!” I shouted, slipping off my socks and shoes.
“I don't think this is ------- lake!” Hannah said as she carefully slid down after me.
“Who cares, last one in is a rotten egg!” I shouted as I ran towards the water after rolling up my jeans and throwing off my jacket.
Hannah followed me, with exclamations about how unfair it was that I had such a head start. We got closer to the water when Hannah stopped.
“Hey, who's that?” She exclaimed suddenly, pointing at four people splashing and playing in the water.
“You don't think it could be...” I trailed off. They had apparently noticed us and stood watching as we came up to them, panting.
“Edmund, Lucy!!!” Hannah screamed, launching herself at her long lost friends. Peter, Susan and I smiled as Hannah, Edmund, and Lucy landed in the water, laughing uncontrollably. I hugged Peter, then Susan. She was asking me what kind of clothes I was wearing when Peter splashed me, leaving me soaking wet. Susan and I looked at each other, then shoved him into the water. He landed with a huge splash. We giggled, then screamed as he stood up and chased us along the shore. Water sprayed everywhere as we tried to get away from him.
"Help us!" Susan cried as we hid behind Edmund, Hannah, and Lucy.
"Of course!" Edmund said with a mischievous grin as he and the girls turned around and drenched us.
"Hey!" I protested, losing my balance. I grabbed Peter's arm in an attempt to steady myself, but only succeeded in pulling him down with me. Everyone started laughing at us as we landed in the water. Peter and I grinned at each other, then grabbed their legs and pulled them into the waves. Lucy landed beside me and smiled. I could tell that like me, she was very excited to be back. Presently we all stood, and Edmund gazed intently at a structure in ruins atop the big cliff that towered over the beach.
"What is it?" Peter inquired.
"Where do you suppose we are?" Edmund wondered aloud.
"Well where do you think?!" Peter exclaimed.
"Well, I don't remember any ruins in Narnia." Edmund replied.
"Let's go and explore!" Lucy suggested excitedly. We all agreed with her and made our way up the beach. Edmund picked up the bag he had left on the sand, sifting through its contents as we trekked up a path that went up the cliff. Lucy fell into step beside me.
"I'm worried about Peter." She said softly, glancing at him as he led us up the path.
"What do you mean?" I asked, concerned for my friend.
"He gets into fights a lot, and he's just... He's changed so much." She said slowly. I nodded in understanding, then put my arm around her shoulders. She smiled gratefully at me, then skipped ahead to walk beside Peter. Behind me Susan was telling Edmund and Hannah to put down the toad the had found before they got warts. Apparently they weren't listening. With an exasperated sigh Susan walked up beside me.
"So, how long has it been since you and Hannah left?"
"About a year and a half." I replied, then asked,
"How long since you left?"
"Its been a year." She said absentmindedly. We were almost at the top of the cliff and had come into an apple orchard. I smiled as Peter picked an apple, wiped it on his shirt, and tossed it to Lucy.
"Does anyone still have their sandwiches?" She asked.
"Well," He replied,
"I left mine in my bag, and I left my bag in the train station... And then I left the train station in England."
We all giggled, then Edmund announced,
"I still have mine... But they're a bit squashed."
"Two sandwiches won't go far between six people." Susan commented, as practical as ever. It looked like Peter was about to reply, when we came over the top into the courtyard of a castle that lay in ruins. We were speechless at the beautiful sight. The white stone of the castle was strewn about the bright green grass. Parts of the structure still stood, and there was a sad feeling to the place. We all wandered around, exploring the amazing ruins.
"I wonder who lived here?" Lucy inquired as she looked over the ocean from a balcony. A quiet clink was heard and Susan bent down to pick up the golden figurine of a horse.
"I think we did." She said confusedly. We all crowded around Susan to see the small object. "Hey, that's mine, from my chess set." Edmund remarked.
"Which chess set?" Peter asked.
"Well, I didn't exactly have a solid gold chess set in Finchley, did I?" Was Ed's smart reply. They continued to study the chess piece, but I noticed Lucy gazing off in another direction.
"It can't be.." She gasped, then ran towards an enormous flat stone with four small square platforms, possibly the ruin of thrones. Peter ran after her and she took his hand, leading him to one of the blocks. We all followed, Hannah and I hanging back with the feeling that this was an important moment for the Pevensies and we shouldn't get in the way.
"Don't you see?" Lucy asked, as she stood him in front of the block.
"What?" Peter asked in confusion.
"Imagine walls..." She said as she positioned Susan in front of the block beside Peter's,
"And columns there." Lucy pointed out across the court. Edmund had moved to stand on the other side of Peter and Lucy stood beside Susan.
"And a glass roof." When all four of them stood there Hannah and I gasped.
"Cair Paravel" Peter breathed.

What do you think? Please comment! The more comments I get the more motivated I am to write! Smile

_________________

~Rachel/Cerasi Skywalker
Princess of the One True King, Friendly Neighborhood TLF Mod, Queen of Wolves, Allyran Elf, Owl Citizen, Dakota's biggest fan, Narnian, Jedi Knight,  Anakin's younger sister, Graphic Designer, Artist, Photographer, Dreamer. <3

Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.rachel365photo.blogspot.com
Jedi~Chick
Admin
Admin
avatar

Posts : 6547
Join date : 2010-12-28
Age : 20
Location : Hanging with my fellow X-Wing Pilots in a Rebel Alliance Briefing...

PostSubject: Re: There's a Place for Us   Fri Jul 08, 2011 3:08 pm

That was totally awesome!!!!!!!!! Very Happy Great job!!!!!! Keep writing, I love it!!!!!!!!

_________________
Love, JC/Fallon <3
My Blog // My Tumblr
Twitter // Pinterest


Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.2yourselfbetrue.blogspot.com
Rachel-is-a-Jedi
Moderators
Moderators
avatar

Posts : 3834
Join date : 2010-12-29
Age : 21
Location : Narnia/Allyra

PostSubject: Re: There's a Place for Us   Fri Jul 08, 2011 3:10 pm

Thanks! Smile I'm a bit stuck right now but I think Hannah can help me! Smile

_________________

~Rachel/Cerasi Skywalker
Princess of the One True King, Friendly Neighborhood TLF Mod, Queen of Wolves, Allyran Elf, Owl Citizen, Dakota's biggest fan, Narnian, Jedi Knight,  Anakin's younger sister, Graphic Designer, Artist, Photographer, Dreamer. <3

Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.rachel365photo.blogspot.com
shaak ti
VIP Member
VIP Member
avatar

Posts : 1516
Join date : 2011-03-12
Age : 19

PostSubject: Re: There's a Place for Us   Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:35 pm

Keep writing! I love it!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Rachel-is-a-Jedi
Moderators
Moderators
avatar

Posts : 3834
Join date : 2010-12-29
Age : 21
Location : Narnia/Allyra

PostSubject: Re: There's a Place for Us   Fri Jul 08, 2011 6:16 pm

Thank you very much! I've already written some more, but I have to practice piano now. When I'm done I'll write more and post it! Smile

_________________

~Rachel/Cerasi Skywalker
Princess of the One True King, Friendly Neighborhood TLF Mod, Queen of Wolves, Allyran Elf, Owl Citizen, Dakota's biggest fan, Narnian, Jedi Knight,  Anakin's younger sister, Graphic Designer, Artist, Photographer, Dreamer. <3

Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.rachel365photo.blogspot.com
Rex'sgirl
VIP Member
VIP Member
avatar

Posts : 5833
Join date : 2011-01-04
Age : 104
Location : Corellia

PostSubject: Re: There's a Place for Us   Fri Jul 08, 2011 6:21 pm

I love your story Rachel! Cant wait to read more!
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://fangirlonthefarm.blogspot.com/
Padme's Japor Snippet
VIP Member
VIP Member
avatar

Posts : 1826
Join date : 2011-06-21
Age : 24
Location : USA

PostSubject: Re: There's a Place for Us   Fri Jul 08, 2011 7:38 pm

Rachel, I love it! Very Happy Awesome how you and Hannah and Narnia all mesh together so perfectly! My ONLY criticism is that it follows the book very closely. I mean, that's good for that part, and I love it, but if you know exactly what happens in the book already, it's not as exciting. I hope you understand, I love your story and you were probably going to change it from the book already, just me two cents worth. Very Happy
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://pjswritingobsessed.blogspot.com/
Rachel-is-a-Jedi
Moderators
Moderators
avatar

Posts : 3834
Join date : 2010-12-29
Age : 21
Location : Narnia/Allyra

PostSubject: Re: There's a Place for Us   Fri Jul 08, 2011 8:10 pm

Thank you two! Smile I've almost got enough written to post more. PJS, thank you so much, it's really helpful to know that. What would you recommend doing? I don't really want to change the plot, just kind of what if we were there too, but I don't want it to be boring. I'm going to be adding a lot of things that weren't included in the movie though. Smile

_________________

~Rachel/Cerasi Skywalker
Princess of the One True King, Friendly Neighborhood TLF Mod, Queen of Wolves, Allyran Elf, Owl Citizen, Dakota's biggest fan, Narnian, Jedi Knight,  Anakin's younger sister, Graphic Designer, Artist, Photographer, Dreamer. <3

Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.rachel365photo.blogspot.com
Arda_Ancalima
VIP Member
VIP Member
avatar

Posts : 2159
Join date : 2011-01-03
Location : Between Middle-Earth and Coruscant

PostSubject: Re: There's a Place for Us   Fri Jul 08, 2011 8:12 pm

This is cool! Looking forward to the next part! Very Happy

EDIT: Maybe you two could end up on a side mission/quest? Just an idea.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://inwesternlands.blogspot.com/
Rachel-is-a-Jedi
Moderators
Moderators
avatar

Posts : 3834
Join date : 2010-12-29
Age : 21
Location : Narnia/Allyra

PostSubject: Re: There's a Place for Us   Fri Jul 08, 2011 8:33 pm

That's a great idea, thank you so much! Now, to think of a little mission/quest...

_________________

~Rachel/Cerasi Skywalker
Princess of the One True King, Friendly Neighborhood TLF Mod, Queen of Wolves, Allyran Elf, Owl Citizen, Dakota's biggest fan, Narnian, Jedi Knight,  Anakin's younger sister, Graphic Designer, Artist, Photographer, Dreamer. <3

Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.rachel365photo.blogspot.com
Padme's Japor Snippet
VIP Member
VIP Member
avatar

Posts : 1826
Join date : 2011-06-21
Age : 24
Location : USA

PostSubject: Re: There's a Place for Us   Fri Jul 08, 2011 9:00 pm

Yeah, I wouldn't change THE plot that happened in the movie, but maybe you could add your two characters in at times where they 'change' the plot, making it to be like the movie? Example: Lucy falls off of her horse trying to find Aslan, but you and Hannah find her and help her walk the rest of the way to Aslan, protecting her with your bow and arrows. Maybe something like that! Very Happy
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://pjswritingobsessed.blogspot.com/
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: There's a Place for Us   

Back to top Go down
 
There's a Place for Us
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» There's No Place Like Home
» Mtarfa -- Have i posted these in the right place ! They are now!
» best place to buy smoothie bumpers??
» crewcuts place
» Place stealing is possible again.

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
 :: Fan Community :: Fanfiction-
Jump to: